After I wrote you I told my companions about how I was feeling and they recommended that I speak to one of the counselor's wife who lives in the apartment under us. They have been SO understanding and SO supportive. I know I couldn't have continued on without them! Honestly, they have quickly become such good friends and even feeling heavy and dispirited they have made me laugh at 10:00 o'clock at night after a long hard day - and they have stayed so optimistic while still listening to my feelings with sympathy and understanding. Long story short - they are amazing and exactly what I needed.
When I spoke to Sister Heap I told her all about how I was feeling and she has been like our mom here. She checks up on us and will feed us from time to time. Since the moment I stepped off the plane she has been telling me how glad they are I am here and what a great addition I am to the work. She also has been equally concerned about my bags and offering to get me things from day one in case there is anything I really needed. She keeps saying what a "trooper" I've been and how impressed she is with my attitude. So I thought it really good to talk to her and tell her how stressing this situation has been and how after 9 days I felt at cracking point. She had some really good things to say to me. First, she was of course completely sympathetic repeating all the sentiments I've already said. Second, she pointed out that this was not "my" trial - that (like Dad said) this was simply a man made mistake and sometimes these things do happen. The consequences of my baggage had nothing to do with what I was doing "wrong" or a "lacking" in attitude. Third, she told me that regardless of my baggage issue I would probably be having many of these same sentiments - not to the same degree - but that I had something to blame my homesickness on. And most importantly she asked me what the Savior would say if he were sitting across the table listening to me. Would He tell me to give up? No of course not. In her words she said "You've come too far and gone through too much not to continue". Perhaps, she told me, this was one of those times when one has to do the unthinkable. One simply has to submit completely to the Lord's will and say "Ok, if this is how you want me to do it - OR - if this is how it's going to need to be done because of the circumstances, then that is how I will do it. I will carry on regardless"
And she was right - it did seem unthinkable to me. The idea of carrying on without everything that I had so carefully and meticulously packed seemed so hard - possibly impossible. Even though the mission home said that they would help me start to replace everything. And even when I told the Heaps how nervous I was about my retainer or medicine they simply said "Well, we have a really good dentist/doctor in St. Denis - we can take you to him. And we'll make sure we get you set up" That night I thought about what she said - especially about the Savior. Because I thought about what you guys were saying back home. And I thought about what I wanted. Did I really want to come home? I thought exactly what Mom wrote me - I would be so frustrated that I hadn't pushed myself through this. And I decided that I had two choices. I could either stop crying and stressing about it and come home. Or I could stop crying and stressing about it and stay there.
And the next morning I woke up and put on my same navy skirt and went out and did the work. I decided to stay. And I decided to do it with only one pair of shoes, one pair of socks, and two sets of undergarments and clothes. And I knew that bit by bit we could start acquiring the rest and I let go of my bags and the only earthly possessions I had.
And that night my bags were returned to me.
I thought I knew what people meant when they said you go as far as you think you can possibly go - and then one step further and then THAT is when the Lord helps you. But I didn't. Know I do a little bit more. When we read Ether 12:27 in a lesson today I felt the spirit bear such a strong testimony to me of the truthfulness of that verse - especially in application to the past week.
I just need to express my gratitude and give credit that the mission home has been working so hard on getting my bags back. They had one Elder spend this whole weekend on calling the airlines and tracking them down. Yesterday he spent more than FOUR hours on the phone trying to find where they were and then getting those people to tell other people where they were and that they needed to be moved and put on a plane. The mission president himself called me to tell me they were working on the problem and to encourage me on. I might have felt alone but there have been so many people helping me - I hope you know I haven't been left in a lurch.
So I am 100% staying. And I am happy. And I was BEFORE I got my bags - but the Lord decided to help me out and bless me with them anyway. I just got permission to write this e-mail to tell you how much better I am and that my bags were returned - from now on you'll have to wait every Monday. Hopefully you can wait that long! And Dad and Mom, your e-mails were really encouraging even though I got them today. Even out here it should be impossible to forget the support I have back home. And yeah Dad, shit happens - and it did for me. And not everything that happens is a blessing or a trial from the Lord - sometimes it's just an error of men. But we keep going. And He'll keep helping us.
Love,
Soeur Stewart
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